


Touch

by eorumverba



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:52:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8556160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eorumverba/pseuds/eorumverba
Summary: Ontae are usually quite subtle with their physical interactions, so when we do get a peek of them touching, it just makes it that much more important in my mind because it seems so personal. Like Taem will be touching onew in whatever small way and not even seem to realize he’s doing it and i really do feel like Taemin is sensitive to touch, and he really only does it with those he truly trusts. Taemin does not seem like the kind of person to be easily personable and touchy-feely with just anybody, he doesn’t seek it out. But any physical interactions between Taemin and shinee are important to me, because he certainly seems to be the one to want to control the interaction, make sure it doesn’t go outside of his comfort zone. But with onew, Taemin is usually the one to seek out touch first, and I don’t know it just seems to me that Taemin has an extreme closeness and trust with Onew, to feel comfortable enough to seek him out, and let Onew touch him in turn.





	

It's kind of funny, Jinki thinks, how vastly different Taemin of Shinee is from Lee Taemin. Taemin is energetic, he's confident, he revels in all the attention given to him. They all say Minho is the one with the "flaming charisma", but whenever Jinki watches their performances, his eyes are automatically drawn to Taemin, to the curve of his smile and the elegant sharpness of his movements. He can hear the passion in his voice, can see it in his eyes, can feel it when they stand next to each other on stage. It's almost unsettling, the aura he has, the raw focus put into each action. He really does shine on stage, could easily outshine all the others if he tried.

Jinki wonders if Taemin knows that.

Taemin always has this haze around him when they finish a concert. It's in his eyes, on his lips, and it's always broken when he realizes that they're _done_. That haze is the switch between Shinee's Taemin and Lee Taemin. The stage is almost like Taemin's drug. The music, the stage - it's Taemin's reason for existing. His release.

But once they're back in the van, in the dorms, alone - that's when Lee Taemin resurfaces. He's softer somehow, less focused. They always joke that Taemin has magic hands, but Jinki thinks it extends further than that. Taemin is...

Taemin's kind of like smoke: he's hazy and forgetful and graceful and quiet and he's not always _here_ , not mentally. He's in whole other worlds in his mind, and it's kind of beautiful. Taemin is quiet (not quite shy, but what other word is there for it?) and private, an enigma even to Jinki. No one but him knows of the most important things of himself, and he only ever lets people have a glimpse of himself on the rarest of occasions.

Like with Pretty Boy. It had been a show of his vulnerability, of his deepest thoughts and wishes, and Jinki knows Jonghyun has captured that side of Taemin perfectly, effortlessly. It's why Jinki always says Pretty Boy is his favorite song off the Ace album.

Taemin doesn't have many friends like Minho and Kibum do. It's not he can't make friends, he just doesn't want to. Taemin's friends are thoughtfully chosen, they're close to him, almost like family. Taemin only shows his vulnerabilities to people he trusts, so it makes sense that he only has friends that understand him, that he trusts, that connect with him. It's kind of beautiful, that thought process.

It's also beautiful watching Taemin dance offstage, when it's just him and the music in his head, in his ears, flowing through him. Even when the others have slumped to the floor, exhausted, Taemin keeps dancing, eyes closed, completely drowning in his music. And he's free.

It’s times like these that Jinki can see another part of Taemin - the part he shows to the audience. Taemin shows his fans his strength and energy, his raw talent and all the work he’d put in to get to where he is. The sheen of sweat covering his forehead and the light in his eyes shows his passion for performing, for dancing, for being on the stage.

Taemin's persona is elegantly crafted, each wall put up a defense against every negative comment, against prying eyes. But he still hurts: it's clear when Jinki realizes what to look for (the too-practiced smile, the nervous hand movements, the bitten lip) and it hurts that Taemin won't let him help.

But still, Jinki kind of loves him even more for it.

* * *

It's during their promotions for Sherlock that Jinki notices it: Taemin never really touches him. Now, Jinki knows that it’s just not Taemin’s way to have the unnecessary physical interactions like Jonghyun, but...

Taemin at least touches the other members. But with Jinki, it's skittish, wary. Jinki is always the one to initiate any form of skinship, and it always takes Taemin a moment to reciprocate.

Now, Jinki can definitely see the way Taemin looks at him, with so much adoration and love and _awe_ that Jinki sometimes wants to flinch away, to tell Taemin that he’s not worthy of that kind of look, to do or say something so _stupid_ that Taemin would just stop. Looking at him like that.

Jinki kind of hates Taemin because of that look.

But - touch. Taemin is perfectly fine with touching Jonghyun, with Jonghyun’s (too) friendly hand to his thigh, his hip. Taemin is perfectly fine with Minho draping himself over him, with Kibum’s nagging and showers of affection, so why-

But during the Why So Serious era, something changed that.

Jinki always assumed it was the car crash that Jonghyun had been involved in - Taemin had been closest to Jonghyun and had been hit the hardest. Jinki can still perfectly remember how Taemin had reacted: Kibum had just told him a joke and Taemin was laughing, but at the news that Jonghyun had been hit, his face had frozen and Jinki could practically see Taemin’s mind flitting through all the worst conclusions; loss of voice, paralysis, coma, death. Even when they were told it wasn’t that serious, Taemin was still visibly upset, especially when he found out the accident would affect Jonghyun’s voice.

He’d worked the hardest after that, trying to hit all the notes Jonghyun would have, trying to get his voice to sound like Jonghyun’s because _what if Jonghyun wasn’t coming back-_

If Jinki had a dollar every time he had to drag Taemin from the practice rooms just so he’d get some sleep and not wreck his voice, he’d be rich.

They grew closer during that time though, with all of Jinki’s careful protection of Taemin's voice, his body, his everything. It felt like a victory every time Taemin would absently rest his hand on Jinki's thigh during interviews, every time their eyes would meet and Taemin would give Jinki the most beautiful smile- 

But then they found out Jonghyun wouldn't be able to film with them, and Taemin...got worse. Of course, he filmed his part perfectly, with lots of wide smiles and laughter, but as soon as they were back in the dorms, Taemin. Broke. He'd go to the studio and dance until he could barely walk, would sing until his throat was scratched raw.

And he still managed to put on a smile for the fans.

Jinki really admired Taemin for that.

* * *

And now, two years later, with lavender fresh in Taemin's hair and all their choreo gone from Jinki's mind, Jinki worries. He worries that their song won't be well received, he worries that their fans will be disappointed with the choreo, the video, the song, the album. Jinki worries that their album won't sell and that they won't be nominated or win at all, Jinki worries that he isn't a good enough leader.

Taemin eases all of that with a single touch to Jinki's thigh, a soft smile and a promise that they'll do well, like they always do. It'll always be the five of them on that stage, regardless of how much they sell or how many awards they win. They'll always be Shinee.

And then he's pulling Jinki out of his seat and rushing him onstage, and all Jinki can think of is how much he loves Taemin.


End file.
